Who is this person post stroke?
In a moment your life changes. Your loved one has had a stroke and fighting for their life. All you want is for them to survive. That is how I felt. Now years post stroke and being a caregiver advocate I found that I am not alone in thinking “Who is this new person post stroke?”
When a loved one experiences a stroke, two things happen, the fear of a second stroke overwhelms and the injury to the brain changes them. We have experience both of these in our home. How your loved one recovers physically does not always tell the story of the recover to the person they were before.
As time passes and the crisis is resolved, that is when we realized the change. I know that my expectation that he would recover 100% was unrealistic. We were able to navigate the physical changes and the adaptations to life fairly easily compared to dealing with the personality changes. Because he looks so good physically and can fake a normal conversation with others for a short period, I frequently hear “He looks great, you are so lucky.” I am lucky that he is doing better buy that doesn’t mean that everything is back to normal. I thought I was alone thinking this but after visiting many support groups - this is a universal issue.
Common personality changes you may experience are anger, memory loss, impulsiveness, lack of motivation, depression, anxiety, loss of social inhibitions, changes in understanding social cues and changes to your marital life. Not everyone has all of them or even some of them but I found every caregiver is dealing with at least one change.
How as a caregiver deal with your loved ones changes? Let me share some ideas that worked for me and others I have spoken with.
Let go of the past. Both of us have changed since the stroke. The person we were pre has been dealt a blow and it takes time to find your sea legs.
Make a daily commitment to this new life. A group member shared ”Each morning I wake, I thank God my loved one is with me and that we will have a great day” We all chuckled when she shared not all days are great and we want to kill each other but we had that prior to the stroke.
Don’t expect them to do activities that they did prior to the stroke. Another group member shared “She gets angry when family tell her what she should be doing. They want her to walk a mile a day - she has never walked a mile in her life. Now she gets angry with them but in the past she would complacent”
Share your frustrations with a close friend. Tell them I know we can’t fix this but I just need to vent. Sharing with other caregivers helps the most.
Some of the frustrations with their personality changes may not be due to the stroke. As we get older our filters tend to change. When you see that, talk to your loved one. This is not acceptable but be willing to hear about your own personality changes as well. (Ouch - that hurts when they share with us but also good.)
Thank you for visiting the blog because when we support each other, life can be easier.
My new book “Stroke and the Caregiver” is now available on Amazon. Each chapter provides additional tips and support.
Thank you for your time and welcome