How do I take a safe, guilt-free break from my loved one’s care?
Being the primary caregiver is difficult, and others don’t always recognize it. The question that
always comes up is, how can I balance my needs with my loved ones? Can I take time away
without feeling guilty? Could someone else give them the same care? If I get away, how do I
keep them safe?
Someone you care about has experienced a life-threatening illness; in my case, my husband
experienced a stroke. Although he is recovering at this time, my journey as caregiver began that
day. The caregiving journey is unique for everyone, but one thing that spans across all caregivers
is the need for respite, time away, and knowing that they have someone who can provide care in
their absence.
The initial, crucial step is to identify someone you both trust to step in while you are away. This
might be a grown child, a relative, a companion, or a service. Without the right tools, stepping in
as backup can be frightening.
Once you’ve found your backup, you can start feeling guilt-free about needing time. Proper
planning is the foundation of a successful time away. “Plan for the worst and hope for the best”
is my guiding principle. It has helped caregivers feel more confident about their backup systems.
A plan of care is the usual name for the time-away plan. A simple way to give people
information covering the loved ones’ requirements.
Include in the Plan of Care, but not limited to:
Provide your loved ones’ details and your contact information.
A copy of their medical cards, doctors, and hospitals.
Should you be unreachable, your healthcare proxy can make health care decisions, as allowed
by legal documents. Your requests need review, and the care supporter must reach out. This
mostly comes up concerning life or death and choosing “Do Not Resuscitate”.
Medical History: A list of medical conditions and their onset dates.
Medication details and administration times. Add specific instructions, like when to postpone
taking medicine. There must be sufficient medicine available.
Give a rundown of a regular day. List of favorite foods, activities, and times of sleep.
How to cope successfully with daily struggles. For instance, anger, tips for providing proper
nutrition (what they will eat), or things that they may try that are not safe.
When to call the MD office versus calling 911 or going to the ER
Support Network
Your support network might include a few people when you identify it. Rest is essential for a
healthy, refreshed return to your ongoing care responsibilities. This is the moment for the
primary caregiver to ask for help, even if it’s difficult. A meeting with those who offer backup
care is my recommendation. This is difficult because of the primary caregiver’s sense of
responsibility and reluctance to impose. Be direct and candid with others. I’ve discovered that
this can make for a more productive chat and bring new solutions.
A few ideas of what needs to be discussed:
Share any new information about their progress. Make sure you explain your request and
show your appreciation for their willingness to help.
Review the care plan and discuss it together. The support person’s input can often
improve the quality of care.
Put forth the question. What they can do and when they’re available. You might have multiple
replacements while you’re gone. As long as communication exists, this will work.
Carry out the plan. Organize your time off. This could be a day trip, or perhaps a week-long trip. Taking care of yourself matters more than your activities or destinations.
Instruct your support person to send a simple daily text–a thumbs up–to show everything’s okay. Avoid calling often or trying to return sooner. It’s time to reorganize and rejuvenate.
I’ve learned that support caregivers enjoy covering shifts. They spend quality time with their
loved ones and believe they’re helping the person providing care. Never refuse someone the
chance to give.
Stroke and the Caregiver, a resource for those suddenly assuming the role of caregiver. We carry
a myriad of responsibilities and no time or strength to step back and really handle the situation
before us. So why would you want to travel with me? My three decades of experience as a
caregiver, nurse, and case manager have enabled me to support many patients and families in
returning home after a health crisis. Now it has happened to me, on the other side of the
healthcare team, the family member. I am travelling on this journey with you, as a health
professional and a fellow caregiver.
Website:
Stroke Caregiver Connection